statement of struggle @ 2024.

on this day last year, I wrote a long blog on Facebook, moaning about how I do struggle. [read more here].

at first, i wrote the blog just for myself. for that is the first-time-ever since i am aware about what people call “personal branding”, i’m writing such a venerable blog.

but then, the kind support was huge.

some sent me private message, saying that they also struggle and that i’m not alone.

some commented publicly, saying that they are here with me – just hit them up if i’m in need.

some sent hugs, and pat-pat, and all those matter.

______________________

on this day this year, i am thinking about sharing my struggles as a yearly ritual.

let’s say, marking 15th September my personal “International Struggles Day”, where i celebrate my current struggles and reflect on those from the previous year.

because, why not?

Dream, struggle, create, prevail. Be daring. Be brave. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be strong. Be brilliant. Be beautiful.”⁣

– Caterina Fake, Co-Founder @ Flickr

oh – yes, my struggle.

_______________________

this year, i struggle with making time for myself.

the two year in the US is a period where time seems to have come to a standstill for me, and it’s as if the entire world has paused in sync.

I simply had all the time in the world for myself.

i could sleep whenever i wanted, read whenever i liked, and sit and just look at the tranquil sky as i wished.

but soon the magic disappeared, all the things i was supposed to do over the past two years started calling me out with deadlines.

there are days that i missed surrounding myself with trees and sunshine and good conversations, only to realize that my entire calendar was filled with meetings and agenda for others.

this year, i struggle with stretching myself with new identities.

for the past year, i struggled with bouncing between different characteristics: a Vietnamese Huong, an ISLT’s Jean, a mentor who needs to be responsive to her mentee, a community coordinator, a part-time researcher, a job seeker — while i just want to be a human who writes daily and wonders if she happened to offend anyone with her writing.
– Quoted from 2023 Statement of Struggles

while some of the old identities are gone (and missed), they were soon replaced with new ones—a person who knows something about learning, a debtor, and yes, a wife (I do celebrate this).

being a wife is tougher than i thought. while my partner has been an amazing human and i cherish every single moment with him, i struggle with balancing the extended responsibilities of a new family with my little-time life.

this year, i struggle with dealing with judgement.

i have to admit, this year, i have become more sensitive to judgment. even the smallest glance can set off a wave of self-doubt. i felt the weight of the expectation. i found myself overanalyzing each step, fearing that any misstep might lead to criticism or disappointment

“You’re a Master Student—you should do better.” is an echo that keeps appearing in my dreams, partly acting as a motivation booster and partly acting as a shadow lurking over every decision i make.

the fear isn’t just about failing; it’s about not meeting the standards i believe others have set for me, and that’s a pressure i find difficult to escape.

and while i tried to remind myself that it’s okay to be imperfect, to not always have it together, this year, that reminder has been harder to hold onto.

and there are good news.

this year, i struggled less with my communication, or at least i no longer feel bad about it.

this year, i struggled less with making friends, or at least i no longer think that. hosting “Learning How To Learn” class together with MỞ seemed to give me the needed (sometimes overwhelmed…) exposure. and those kind humans in the class have the magic of saying words that heal.

this year, i no longer struggle to decide who should read this lengthy post, as my belief in blogging weekly seemed to be greatly reinforced, thanks to the communities and the stretching challenges i have enrolled myself in.

“it’s a mess, but it’s definitely getting better‘ is something that i have been telling myself on a daily basis this year to keep myself positive and moving forward.

but yes, this human does struggle.

and she hopes to seek your patience and empathy. that’s also the only thing she promises to give to you, even without a return.

may the world be kind to you today, humans.

– Quoted from 2023 Statement of Struggles